“I don’t shake hands with socialists.”
The Republicans did not wake up on the morning of November 5, 2008, and have some kind of revelation that they would proudly wear the brand, “The Party of No,” for the next two years. “No” has been in their DNA since Newt Gingrich and his Contract for America drew a line in the carpet of the House chamber, when the GOP took control in 1994.
Nountil we get the budget we want. Well, that backfired. Let’s try, no business until we embarrass the Clintons. Oh damn, he got reelected. Wait, he had sex with whom in the Oval Office? Well now at least we don’t have to hire a hooker. Who needs photos when you have a cum-stained blue dress? No business until we impeach him. No business until we deregulate the banking and insurance industries. No chance for a civil recount in Florida.
And then the Party of No put our country in danger.
Bin-Laden? No problem. No specific threat. He’s not Saddam. No talking to the “axis of evil.” No direct talks without conditions. No business with North Korea – we’ll make them halt their nuclear program because the whole world loves us and wants to be like us and wants to fuck our sister to get close to us. No negotiation with Saddam. No questioning the President in a time of war. Wow! The press actually bought that one? Let’s see what else we can get away with. No habeas corpus. No civil trials for Guantanamo detainees and definitely no rights for prisoners. No warrant wiretapping. No prison for Scooter. No truth when the people are happier with the lies.
. No hope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
No health coverage for 9-11 first responders. No repeal of “Don’t ask. Don’t Tell.” No unionizing the TSA. Absolutely no on government run health care (excluding us, of course). No immigration solutions. No extending jobless benefits. No stimulus. No bailout. Sure we voted for it, but we’re against it now. No revealing campaign contributions. No Pelosi. No Obama. No Reid. No sanity – it doesn’t play well. No, we won’t meet with the President. No sunset for the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest. No lame duck action. No leadership change.
No respect for the voter.
Why is the GOP elephant nay-ing like a horse? Because the Republicans found a way to make “No” profitable. You see, while they’re facing the cameras at a rally, or standing at the podium on the floor of the House of Representatives, moving their lips like fish-mouthed water breathers – “No No No” – to the cheers of the naive nabobs, their hands are out behind them collecting money and tickling the balls of the corporations that pay them to run our country their way. For every “No! No! No,” the fat cats are orgasmically screaming out, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”
But I kind of feel sorry for the Republican naysayers. They don’t realize that like most felines, the fat cats are just playing with their food, before they devour it, one scaly piece at a time. The bad news for us is, when they’ve finished feasting on Congress and turn Capitol Hill into their litter box, we’ll all become the crazy cat lady, carting away their poop with big smiles, and letting them nibble on us until we die.